The NOT-TRUE-NEWS archives

NOT-TRUE-NEWS is an occasional feature of the Gusworld Rant Of The Day section, in which I make up completely fictitious and hopefully mildly amusing stories. If you've ever read The Onion, you'll know the kind of thing I mean. To meet with popular demand, this page will list all the NOT-TRUE-NEWS stories in reverse chronological order.

Money, money, money
For Sydney resident Diane Foster, sometimes life just seems to be one endless financial struggle after another.

Man does giant turd in shape of Celine Dion
In what is being hailed by religious fanatics and music critics alike as a message from God, a Dallas, Texas man has earned instant infamy by doing a giant turd in the shape of popular Canadian chanteuse Celine Dion.

Kerri-Anne Kennerley earns spiritual rewards
Australia's biggest star reveals how hypnosis has improved her ability to focus on her professional -- and sexual -- goals.

Gus wins Manhunt International Pageant
In a glittering ceremony at Singapore's Merchant Court hotel, well-known Internet celebrity Gus Kidman was last night crowned the Supreme Winner at the 1998 Manhunt International Pageant.

Mariah Carey vows: I'll never sing again
Mariah Carey has vowed to spare the world further suffering by abandoning her singing career and plowing the not inconsiderable profits she has made from her records into counselling for the millions who have been forced to listen to her boppy pop numbers and droning ballads.

John Howard embraces technology
Prime Minister John Howard, fired with enthusiasm following his recent visit to the US, has embraced the challenge of a new age and outlined his vision of how technology will change the way we work, live and employ people, leading to a golden age unmatched since Robert Menzies ruled the country with an iron fist in the 1950s.

Kerri-Anne gets new soul
In a Gusworld exclusive, world-renowned superstar Kerri-Anne Kennerley reveals how she traded in her soul for a new and improved model.

Gwyneth's shock claim: Brad still has to roger me
Hollywood insiders are reeling with shock at the amazing news that Gwyneth Paltrow -- who split with fiancee Brad Pitt earlier this week -- still intends to hold him to a contract requiring the couple to have sex every day for the rest of their lives.

IBM in dog rogering scandal
Computing giant IBM today reacted speedily to suggestions that it was promoting bestiality in a new ad campaign that appears to feature an image of a man simulating sexual activity with a large wolfhound.

REMINDER: None of these things ever happened. They are fiction, they are satire, they are entirely untrue. Although IBM really did run the ad.

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