Rant Of The Day is where I get to mouth off about whatever I feel like for however long I like. Theoretically, I'll update my whinge/opinion piece every weekday; in practice, maybe not so often.

Gwyneth's shock claim: Brad still has to roger me

A Gusworld NOT-TRUE-NEWS story

As previously reported on Gusworld, Brad and Gwyneth had made a totally ridiculous agreement to make the beast with two backs every single day of their married life. Although the pair announced the end of their two-and-a-half year relationship earlier this week in a terse fax that left many questions unanswered, Gwyneth is now telling friends that the deal required them to have sex every day even if they didn't get married. And, incredibly, she intends to hold Brad to that deal even now they've split.

"That bastard won't get away from me so easily," she told a friend. "If he fails to slip me one, even once, I'll be taking him to court and suing the arse off him." Gwyneth's determination has already resulted in a number of embarrassing incidents in LA locations, including:

• Gwyneth ripping Brad's clothes off in a Hollywood Hills McDonalds and smearing him with mashed fries;
• A high-speed freeway chase that ended with Gwyneth demanding oral pleasure in the middle of a seven-car pile-up;
• Brad's new "mystery girlfriend", a publicist for a New York rock band, finding six dead skunks in her mail.

Gwyneth's contremps is the latest in a series of embarrassing pre-marriage deals brokered by celebrities. Kevin Costner is reportedly still recovering from the shock loss of his collection of Howard The Duck memorabilia, which he was forced to sell off after his divorce under an unusual prenupital clause.

Go back up a level

Return to Gusworld Central