STALLONE STRIKES BACK IN T TANGLE

SHOCK

Has-been Hollywood star Sylvester Stallone has swung his glove into the growing Mr T versus the Secret Service debate, opining that T is a "stupid gold-covered dickhead with all the talent of a man with a little bit of talent, but not much."

PULVERISED NUNS

Stallone, speaking at the opening of some crap cafe with a vague celebrity connection, spoke out against T's tirades against the mincing woofter boys of the Secret Service. "I didn't see Mr T anywhere when JFK got shot," commented Stallone. "He was obviously terrorising someone in the ghetto, or writing really bad lyrics."

WIMP BLIMP PIMP

Stallone said T was a "wimp" and added that he planned to report him to the Committee for UnAmerican Activities. "After all, I beat him up in Rocky III and I'm only two feet tall."

PORN

This is a gratuitous reference to Stallone's early career as a porn movie star which we thought we'd add just for the heck of it. When we rang Mr T for comment, a spokesperson explained that he had been taken away by the Secret Service for questioning, and a possible crunchy peanut butter enema.