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THIS RANT 31/05/96
Rant Of The Day is where I get to mouth off about whatever I feel like for however long I like. Theoretically, I'll update my whinge/opinion piece every weekday; in practice, maybe not so often. |
After all, I can just hop over to the handy All My Children (AMC) web site (http://www.amcpages.com) and get a sample of the plot. For instance, on a recent episode, we discover that Janet arrived back in the cabin just as Trevor made the connection between Brooke and the mysterious and yet strangely desirable peach hyacinth lotion. Barely had the excitement of that finished, when Janet's bottle of hair dye fell to the floor and broke, which the AMC pages described as a "catastrophe".
Imagine the challenge which this could pose for the imaginative young writer! Sure, an unembellished version of the script might look something like this:
[Janet enters the cabin, where Trevor is holding a bottle of peach hyacinth lotion.]However, with just a little editing, you too can produce Emmy-winning material:TREVOR: Janet, I've just made the connection between Brooke and this bottle of peach hyacinth lotion.
JANET: No! Really?
[Janet's bottle of hair dye falls to the floor.]
JANET: What a catastrophe! My hair dye just fell to the floor!
[Janet enters the cabin, where Trevor is holding a bottle of peach hyacinth lotion. There is a sweeping dramatic chord produced on a cheap synthesiser left over from when the show tried to create crossover pop stars in the early 80s.]Twice as dramatic, twice as long, simple for the actors to learn and guaranteed not to advance the plot. Easy, isn't it? As an exercise, try writing the same script using semaphore.TREVOR: Janet.
[Long pause. He looks at her.]
JANET: Yes, Trevor?
TREVOR: Janet.
[Long pause. He looks at her.]
JANET: Yes, Trevor?
TREVOR: Janet.
[Long pause. He looks at her.]
JANET: Yes, Trevor?
TREVOR: I've just made the connection between Brooke and this bottle of peach hyacinth lotion.
JANET: You've what?
TREVOR: I've just made the connection between Brooke and this bottle of peach hyacinth lotion.
JANET: What have you done?
TREVOR: I've just made the connection between Brooke and this bottle of peach hyacinth lotion.
JANET: No! Really?
TREVOR: Yes, I've just made the connection between Brooke and this bottle of peach hyacinth lotion.
JANET: Oh my God!
[Janet's bottle of hair dye falls to the floor.]
JANET: Oh my God!
[Close up on bottle.]
JANET: Oh my God!
[Close up on Trevor.]
JANET: Oh my God!
[Close up on Janet.]
JANET: What a catastrophe!
[Close up on bottle.]
JANET: My hair dye just fell to the floor!
TREVOR: Hey baby, it's OK.
JANET: My hair dye just fell to the floor! My hair dye just fell to the floor! My hair dye just fell to the floor!
TREVOR: What a catastrophe!
[Fade out with same synthesiser chord. Roll credits.]
Admittedly, if the AMC writing team had half the inventiveness of the people who put together the AMC site, I might understand why they won the award. I don't think there's much risk of that, though.
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