Gusworld: Michael Jackson Jokes Directory

Recently, my brother and I engaged in an instant messaging battle of Michael Jackson jokes. Naturally, this involved a lot of Web searching, during which I discovered that while there are lots of pages featuring 'canonical' Michael joke lists, many of these are poorly formatted, riddled with typos, repetitious, and out-of-date. So I thought I'd have a go.

I've deliberately skipped jokes that refer to esoteric events, which only make sense to US readers, or which simply aren't funny. The list is currently split into two categories: general Michael jokes and jokes about his brief marriage to Lisa-Marie Presley. I've given up on work on the dominant category -- jokes about Wacko relating to his "fondness" for small children -- because it's just too much effort.

Absolutely no comment

Other Michael Jackson stuff on Gusworld:

  • A discussion of Wacko and racism
  • A critique of his poetry
  • An attack on Gusworld by a fan of his poetry
  • Another attack by an MJ poetry fan
  • An attack on his theme park ride
    How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
    From a catalogue.

    What's white and in Michael Jackson's pocket?
    His other hand.

    What's the difference between Richard Pryor and Michael Jackson?
    Richard Pryor got burnt on coke. Michael Jackson got burnt on Pepsi.

    What's the difference between Mr. Potato Head and Michael Jackson?
    Michael Jackson has had more noses.

    Where is Michael Jackson's other glove?
    In Brooke Shields' pants.

    Have you heard about the foundation that Michael Jackson and Richard Pryor have started?
    It's called the Ignited Negro College Fund.

    How do you neuter Micheal Jackson?
    Give him spiked gloves and tell him to sing a song.

    What does Michael Jackson reminisce about?
    Blowing his first nose.

    Who is the greatest man ever?
    Michael Jackson, because he was born a poor black boy in Gary, Indiana and grew up to become a rich white woman in Europe.

    Little known fact: While in San Diego in July 1989, Dan Quayle called Michael Jackson and congratulated him on the 20th anniversary of his moonwalk.

    A confused nine year old boy goes up to his mother and asks: "Is God male or female?"
    After thinking for a moment, his mother responds: "Well, God is both male and female."
    This confuses the little boy, so he asks: "Is God black or white?"
    "Well, God is both black and white."
    This further confuses the boy so he asks: "Is God gay or straight?"
    The mother answers: "Honey, God is both gay and straight."
    At this, the boy's face lights up with understanding and he triumphantly asks: "Is God Michael Jackson?"

    Did you hear about Michael Jackson marrying Lisa-Marie Presley?
    If Elvis were dead, he'd turn over in his grave.

    What did Lisa-Marie Presley say to Micheal Jackson when he proposed? "Yes, I'll marry you. But promise me one thing -- no kids!"

    What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley?
    About two dress sizes.

    Comments overheard at the Michael Jackson/Lisa-Marie Presley wedding:

  • "Well, I'm pretty sure one of them is a virgin."
  • "I don't think that's the real groom; it's just a decoy."

    What was Michael Jackson thinking on his wedding night?
    "Now Lisa-Marie can give me a little boy of my own."

    What were Lisa-Marie's newlywed complaints about Michael Jackson?

  • He leaves the lid off the mascara, causing it to dry out.
  • That battleaxe Liz Taylor never calls before she comes over.
  • She suspects he's using her to get to Elvis' bones.
  • He touches her kids more than he touches her.

    Apparently we're going to be hearing the pitter-patter of little feet in the Jackson household . . . yep, Lisa Marie's going to be leaving town for a while.

    If Michael and Lisa-Marie's marriage was a TV show, what would it be called?

  • Home Unimprovement
  • Beauty and the Beast
  • Gimme A Break
  • That's Incredible
  • Really Big, Gigantic, Humungous House on the Prairie

    Lisa-Marie's marriage to Michael Jackson is the worst news for the King since the invention of the child-proof cap.

    What did Elvis say after seeing Michael and Lisa Marie on television?
    "Boy, that's a relief. I though she married a black guy!"

    Hey, I want to see some jokes about Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley.
    They are the joke.

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