"What?" said Trudee. "But you were with him in Finland!"
"I thought I was. But actually, there was a little something I didn't know. There were Laakksonen triplets. As well as Lauri and Flikka, there was a third brother, Morgens. Lauri was the drug-fucked one, Flikka was the Christian Slater in Heathers type, and Morgens was an out-and-out psycho. Good in bed, though."
"I was a bit confused by the pictures in the Laakksonen family albums. They only show two boys. But now I know the truth.
"The pictures were of Flikka and Morgens. Lauri was already off with the reindeer, even as a kid, so he's in none of the photos. Then, at the age of 12, Morgens was sent to reform school after an unpleasant schoolyard incident with a sprinkler, so they tried to pretend he never happened either.
"And how did you discover all this?" Trudee asked, disbelief etched on her face.
"Renny Harlin helped me do the research," said Erica smugly. "And I am a fucking journalist, Trudee, in case you'd forgotten.
"Anyway, Morgens had just got out of jail again when he discovered on IRC that Flikka had stolen the Eye of the Tigress. So he waited until Flikka had flown back with me to Finland, and then killed him one night and took his place. He hoped that I'd know something about the diamond, but as usual, I didn't fucking know anything. Not then.
"Morgens' evil plan fell apart when he met Renny Harlin that night at Planet Hollywood. He was already at risk of being exposed as a fraud, but he had even worse luck. Mikka was also in the restaurant, and she tipped off the gang. They decided to kill him, and attached a fake scar to his wrist so that when we found the body, we'd assume it really was Flikka. To make sure we didn't think about it too hard, they had sex in front of us as well." Erica shook a little at the mere memory.
"However, while we were hiding in the sauna, I noticed a message carved in script under the bench: 'BOYS WILL BE BOYS -- F, L, M'. F was obviously Flikka, and L was Lauri. But who was M? At first I thought it might have been that filthpig Mikka, but then Renny remembered that once, after they'd been incredibly pissed on vodka, Flikka had mentioned being one of triplets. After that, it all fell into place."
It went against the grain for Rex to criticise a hot babe, but he felt he had to say something. "Erica, that is the dumbest story I have ever heard in my life."
"Yes, it does strain credulity a little, doesn't it? But frankly, my life hasn't been normal since that fucking goat's head got stuck to my door, and I don't really give a damn anymore. Nothing else explains all the crazy-assed shit that's happened to me."
"A very interesting story, Miss Sheen," said Van Slooten, speaking for the first time. "But there is one detail you have not explained. Where is the Eye of the Tigress now?"