Chapter 38: Under The Boardwalk

Author: Andrew Keaton
Date: 30th March 1998

Renny dropped Flikka's hand and dragged Erica underneath the bench.

"Heat rises, and they'll be here soon," he said, by way of explanation.

"Mum and dad in bed, mum and dad fucking, mum and dad in bed, mum and dad fucking," Erica repeated over and over to herself. Now was not the time to start feeling saucy, but if she'd had more time to process, Erica probably wouldn't have blamed herself -- after all, here she was, underneath the bench of a Finnish sauna with the undisputed King of Finnish Cinema, Renny Harlin. What was she supposed to feel?

Strangely, the sauna door swinging open did nothing to dampen the tingle.

Mikka, sister of Flikka and Lauri, walked in to the sauna, strolled straight past Flikka's body and poured water -- tshhhhh -- onto the heat rocks. She stripped and reclined on the bench next to the corpse.

Erica realised with a start that she was salivating into the hand Renny had slipped over her mouth. She also realised that from underneath the bench she could see --in detail -- the smallgoods Mikka had offered her. She shuddered at what a close call that had been.

"So Flikka, it was too little, too late, uhh?" Mikka said. Erica saw her wipe the cold sweat from his brow and flick it onto the rocks. She nearly threw-up, but Renny's hand was still blocking her mouth.

"First you steal the diamond, then we get it back, then we realise it's a fake. Do you think I like to be made a fool of?"

The door banged shut and through the slats Erica saw the top of a man's head glide into the room. Renny nudged her, just to make sure she was keeping quiet.

The glow of the heat rocks cast a long shadow up the wall and for a moment there was silence.

After a minute or so a male voice spoke: "I'm glad it is done; now all we need to do is find the fucking diamond again." It was the voice of Anttilanien.

"Why did you make me kill my own brother?" Mikka's voice didn't waver, but Erica, shifting her weight slightly, did notice two things.

First, there was a suspicious bulge in Renny's pants. "Mum and dad fucking, mum and dad doing it doggy style…" Erica repeated, mantra like.

Second, on the underside of the bench in the sauna was a myriad of interconnected pencil lines, a CD-ROM taped into position, and some Finnish script.

"Unless we find that diamond, the world will never quake at the feet of the Slaöøüväääd," Anttilanien intoned sepuchrally. "Until then, though, let's kill some time."