GUSWORLD
Rant Of The Day THIS RANT 24/02/99

Rant Of The Day is where I get to mouth off about whatever I feel like for however long I like. Theoretically, I'll update my whinge/opinion piece every weekday; in practice, maybe not so often.

Packages I wish I'd written

What with yesterday's discussion of bad CD sleeve notes, I admit Gusworld is in a previously unseen packaging frenzy at the moment. But you've just got to go with the flow, doncha?

A friend of mine recently gave me 'Amazing Growing Sealife', a truly strange product. Basically, it's a rubber frog, you put it in hot water, and it swells up to a foot in length. That in itself might seem remarkable enough, but as an added bonus, the instructions are truly the most bizarre we've ever seen on something that didn't get written up in Taiwan. Here they are in full:

HOW TO USE AMAZING GROWING SEALIFE SUCCESSFULLY AND WITHOUT FEAR

  1. Pick up the package with your hand, unless you are under the age of five. If you are under five, drop it right now.
  2. Take out the aquatic creature by pulling up the blisterseal. It is non-toxic, but not edible. Please don't eat it.
  3. Put the creature down.
  4. Find a suitable receptacle (jar, bottle, sink or bathtub) for your creature, large enough to allow for expansion.
  5. Fill the container with warm (not hot) water. Hot water may cause the creature to become covered with mossy slime. If you desire this effect, hot water is just the thing.
  6. Place the creature in the water.
  7. Look at it for a minute. It won't grow at all. You will think you've been ripped off. So you must wait until about two days have passed before your creature has reached its full length (up to a foot long)!
  8. Rejoice that you have such a lovely growing creature in your possession. Gaze at it for a few days if you like.
  9. Take it out of the water and watch it shrink!
After all that, I'm too scared to open the packaging.


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