Rant Of The Day THIS RANT 23/03/98

Rant Of The Day is where I get to mouth off about whatever I feel like for however long I like. Theoretically, I'll update my whinge/opinion piece every weekday; in practice, maybe not so often.

Could Gus be a top model?

Since Pageant Life magazine departed into that great crapheap in the sky, I've really missed the opportunity to take cheap shots at superficial people who are completely obsessed with their appearance. So naturally I leapt upon Model Guide, a discounted title by "top fashion model" Renata Heinen on "what it takes to be a fashion model".

Actually, as crap modelling guides go, this could be much much worse. There's no handy hints on the best way to stick your finger down your throat, and no tips on how to snort cocaine either. But there are nonetheless plenty of stupid comments, particularly in the area of how male models have it easier then females. So relentlessly is this theme hammered that I began half-suspecting that it would be easier for me to become a model than most average women. But this thematic disturbance aside, there are several other idiotic remarks worth savaging:

I was so exhausted after my first three-day shoot that I slept almost a whole day (p. 12). Diddums.

Having jet lag and still looking gorgeous has to be no problem (p. 15). Well, I'm in!

Wrinkles have never been fasionable. (p. 24). Tell that to Liz Taylor.

Starting your career with a glamour [topless] agency and later changing to a fashion agency is almost impossible (p. 46). Because, of course, no-one has ever seen Kate Moss's tits, have they?

It's completely unacceptable if a picture shows a flabby stomach or legs that are less than thin. (p. 108). Oh well, 108 pages before getting into body police frenzy isn't too bad, I suppose.

Girls should not forget to look after their body hair (p. 125). Otherwise, it may run away from home.

MAILClick here to contact Gus

HORGo back up a level

GUSWORLDReturn to Gusworld Central