Rant Of The Day THIS RANT 23/01/98

Rant Of The Day is where I get to mouth off about whatever I feel like for however long I like. Theoretically, I'll update my whinge/opinion piece every weekday; in practice, maybe not so often.

Ring ring

Before all you loyal Gusworld readers start panicking, don't worry, I'm not getting married. The rather scrummy engagement ring you see here belongs to Michele, the sub-editor at APC (which is, for the ten of you who didn't know, where I work), who recently get engaged to Dazza, the creative director on the very same magazine. Ain't love grand?

Anyway, being the tacky and promotionally-oriented type, I felt that Gusworld was the perfect medium for making shots of this historic piece of jewellery available to a wider public. Actually, it scanned surprisingly well, although you don't get to admire the rather big diamond which is attached to the top of it to the fullest extent. But you get that.

Anyhow, in line with this historic event, here are Gusworld's top ten tips for a longlasting and happy marriage:

  1. Contrary to traditional belief, you really should hump your future spouse prior to the wedding.
  2. A 30-year age gap between yourself and your spouse may not be conducive to a long-term relationship.
  3. Remember to shave strategically.
  4. Feel free to write your own wedding vows, but don't use the word "bitch" in them if you can help it.
  5. Do not play Whitney Houston's 'I Will Always Love You' at your wedding.
  6. Avoid cutting your toenails in bed.
  7. Always leave the toilet seat down.
  8. Don't talk more than you have to, but don't skimp on the sex.
  9. Don't marry anyone who owns a Celine Dion record.
  10. Don't marry Gus' father.

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