Rant Of The Day is where I get to mouth off about whatever I feel like for however long I like. Theoretically, I'll update my whinge/opinion piece every weekday; in practice, maybe not so often.
Last week, in a burst of foolishness, I accepted an invitation to Microsoft's Christmas party for members of the press and other general loafers. My main incentive for doing so was the promise of free alcohol in a congenial environment. A second factor was the inclusion of a few pub games, such as getting dressed up in a Sumo suit and wrestling with your stomach and riding a mechanical bull. My track record on co-ordination made the latter a non-starter, but I did try the Sumo suit, and won my round. (Any comments to the effect that I don't really need the suit will be entirely ignored.)
Foolishly, however, I consented to have a go at the Human Barfly, an event where you put on a velcro suit, take a running jump off a miniature trampoline and try and stick yourself to a velcro wall. Given that the suit was in yellow and red stripes, I was compelled to wear it. Having done that, it seemed a simple step to try throwing myself at the wall.
I now know that the correct technique on such a system is to land on the trampoline with both feet, lift your arms up high into the air and launch yourself flat at the wall. This I did not do. Instead, I leapt on single-footed and then dived arms first towards the wall, hitting it with considerable impact and ripping a large chunk of skin off my nose.
I'm nothing if not a persistent bastard, so I went back another seven times and eventually almost got it right. But it's taken a week for my nose to return to normal, and I'm still reflecting on the virtues of suing the richest man in the world.
(Pedant note: I realise that the picture on this page is more than two years old and I now look nothing like this, especially since I had my head shaved to a #2 crop recently. But you get that.)
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