Rant Of The Day THIS RANT 20/11/97

Rant Of The Day is where I get to mouth off about whatever I feel like for however long I like. Theoretically, I'll update my whinge/opinion piece every weekday; in practice, maybe not so often.

How to advertise bras

As an guy who hasn't cohabited with an chick in quite an while, I don't often get exposed to the packaging in which bras are found. On the odd occasion when I find myself dragged into a lingerie shop these days, I rarely stop to peruse the labels.

I was therefore somewhat amused by the label on an 'Ultra Sport Elite' bra, purchased today by a source in my office who has requested anonymity. It's not enough, apparently, that the Ultra Sport Elite is a sports bra. We have to be told of its many benefits. We have to learn of the "cups lined with polyester which breathes easily", of the padded shoulder straps with limited stretch to reduce breast movement, and of the mystical "magic disks: which ensure the bra straps lie flat. Not to mention the rigid cups which minimise nipple irritation.

As well, we learn, "When you know your body, you know you need Ultra Sport Elite". You also need, by the sound of it, a degree in physics to fully understand its many benefits.

Now, it's a while since I went in search of sports undies -- actually, I've never gone in search of sports undies, whatever they might be. But I've never encountered any promotional spruik on men's undergarments, beyond the standard practice of finding an underwear model whose body looks nothing like mine. Am I missing something? Are there extra-support undies available to minimise scrotum-strain? Will someone enlighten me?

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