Rant Of The Day THIS RANT 20/08/97

Rant Of The Day is where I get to mouth off about whatever I feel like for however long I like. Theoretically, I'll update my whinge/opinion piece every weekday; in practice, maybe not so often.

Smurf eating

My devotion to Smurf collectibles is a matter of public record. So I was understandably thrilled when Mallory Keaton, one of the suitably pseudonymous contributors to Eye Of The Tigress, supplied me with this packet of Smurfs pasta (or 'Pasta di Semola di Grano Duro', if you wanna get technical). It's very hard to come by Smurf-shaped objects these days, let alone edible ones. As well as standard Smurf-shaped pasta, you can also consume Smurfette-shaped pasta, and even the occasional piece of pasta in the shape of Azrael, the cat owned by the evil wizard Gargamel.

Immature reflection, though, made me realise that there's something a bit sick about the whole concept. The infamous Smurf sex story notwithstanding, there is something creepy about shoving a Smurf in your mouth. "This is digusting," said Steven Keaton, another Eye contributor. "As a connoisseur of pasta, I'm offended."

I'm also a little concerned about the textual basis for this product. None of the Smurf books I remember reading as a child included the Smurfs hoeing into pasta. Since my favourite meal to eat when reading The Astrosmurf was John West Spaghetti & Meatballs, I suspect I would have remembered any passing reference. (My copy of this book still has sauce stains on it.)

Is this rant going anywhere? No. But since when was that a rule?

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