THIS RANT 01/10/96
Rant Of The Day is where I get to mouth off about whatever I feel like for however long I like. Theoretically, I'll update my whinge/opinion piece every weekday; in practice, maybe not so often.
It's pathetic when you think about it. Before the beginning of this year, I hadn't been to a doctor in ages (certainly not since the infamous psoriasis rosea incident, and that was a good four years back). But since 1996 rolled its way onto the table, I've been to the doctor on two separate occasions, once for the nearly-broken toe, and once for the naevus slicing, both of which have been detailed in hideous medical detail elsewhere on Gusworld. (The fact that my Medicare card still hasn't come in the post gives you some idea of how badly I wanted to go to the doctor's in both cases.)
As well as that, I've had two sick half-days off; one a couple of weeks ago when I got food poisoning from a pub sausage, and today, when a rampaging sinus cold and a toothache combined, as usual, to give me a backache. (I think backache is my archetypal symptom.) What the hell is wrong with me?
There are several possible explanations:
- I've lost my youthful bloom of health and been consigned early to the woes of medical disaster.
- My diet has gotten worse, contributing to my lack of well-being.
- I've been working too hard and am tired and run down. (As someone who's just spent two weeks overseas, this argument is both very convincing and unlikely in the extreme.)
- My office airconditioning is over-performing on germ distribution again.
Mature reflection, though, has led me to conclude that the real cause of my illness is the preponderance of songs by 80s artists which feature sickness as a theme. Think about it:
- 'Doctor, Doctor' by The Thompson Twins
- 'The Medicine Song' by Stephanie Mills
- 'Ain't No Cure' by Bananarama
- 'Burning Up' by Madonna
- 'Fever' by Madonna
- 'Take Your Pain Away' by Eurythmics
- 'I Want A New Drug' by Huey Lewis & The News
- 'Doctor Beat' by the Miami Sound Machine
Despite the evidence, though, I won't be giving up the tunes just yet. Some things are even worth buying Disprin for.
Click here to contact Gus
Go back up a level
Return to Gusworld Central