Rant Of The Day THIS RANT 09/08/96

Rant Of The Day is where I get to mouth off about whatever I feel like for however long I like. Theoretically, I'll update my whinge/opinion piece every weekday; in practice, maybe not so often.

Any planet but Hollywood

Today's guest ranter is Spanky The Naughty Little Monkey.

Spanky was excited. Twice in the past week, her work has required her presence at the newly opened Planet Hollywood in Sydney. While Spanky had a certain curiosity to see the associated movie memorabilia, the excitement stemmed mainly from the fact that the chain is partly owned by that bona fide lust-bucket, Bruce Willis.

A colleague had informed Spanky that the singlet that big Bruce wore in Die Hard would be in attendance at the restaurant, and Spanky eagerly searched the room with a view to a bit of frottage before being arrested.

It may have been that Spanky was in such a frenzied state she missed the singlet, but a good search of the room failed to reveal even the crap chunky jumper that Willis wore in Die Harder. What she did notice was a bit of a theme.

The restaurant boasts bits and pieces from the following movies: Rocky III, The Return Of The Pink Panther, Star Trek III, Beverly Hills Cop III, Waterworld and Joe Versus the Volcano to name a few. Notice the link?

Spanky realized that all these films are either parts of movie sequels, where memorabilia would be in abundance, or productions that were complete flops in the first place. To rub salt into the injury, many didn't even come from the second installment, but the cruddy part three range. This lead Spanky to conclude that, in the Planet Hollywood hierarchy, Sydney comes at what is technically known as "the arse end".

Affronted, Spanky, in conjunction with Gusworld, set about devising a list of memorabilia Planet Hollywood Sydney should acquire for the ultimate in cool:

And finally, a piece of advice for any university students who have to write an essay on Post Modernism. Use Planet Hollywood as an example. Talk about the pastiche of incongruent periods of architecture, such as the Greek column, Gothic velvet walls and animal print decorations. Mention that they are juxtaposed with twentieth century film pieces placed in random order. Point out that it has no history and that films from the 60s are placed next to 90s films. Trust Spanky, your tutor will love it.

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