GUSWORLD
Rant Of The Day THIS RANT 05/06/96

Rant Of The Day is where I get to mouth off about whatever I feel like for however long I like. Theoretically, I'll update my whinge/opinion piece every weekday; in practice, maybe not so often.

Having your brain fried by tabloid journalism

Any casual tourist of Gusworld will know that my masochistic tastes extend to reading really trashy magazines full of dodgy stories about the Royal Family, a sweet young man called Julian, the Ray Martin fan club and what Pamela Anderson's breasts did this week to prove that they're more intelligent than her. I'm now a little worried that a lifetime of absorbing the linguistic influence of these sources has begun to affect my ability to comprehend normal English. In the Sydney Morning Herald of June 4, there was a story about Lady Dale 'Kanga' Tyron, Prince Charles' Aussie chum, The headline was:

KANGA, FRIEND TO THE ROYALS, FIGHTS FOR LIFE AFTER FALL

What did I immediately assume the story was about? I assumed that Kanga had pushed out of the notoriously bitchy English social scene because with Di, Camilla and Tiggy already on his plate, Charles couldn't handle any more adoring female attention. I assumed her 'fight for life' was a metaphor for her lost influence, or perhaps a veiled allusion to drug problems. The truth was simpler: Kanga had "plunged from the upper-storey window of an elite British clinic" and fallen to the ground, endangering her life. Obvious, hey?

Now, had I seen any of the following headlines, I would have had a much better idea of what was going on:

CHARLIE'S CHICK IN HORROR CASTLE CRASH
PRINCE'S LOONY LADY JUMPS FOR HIS LOVE
CHARLES THE CAD: KANGA'S FATAL LEAP
DI ADMITS: 'I KILLED KANGA'

Maybe it's time to stop reading them and start writing for them. Anyone wanna be a "source"?


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