GUSWORLD
Rant Of The Day THIS RANT 19/06/96

Rant Of The Day is where I get to mouth off about whatever I feel like for however long I like. Theoretically, I'll update my whinge/opinion piece every weekday; in practice, maybe not so often.

How now brown cow?

According to Pathfinder's somewhat dispensable Netly News, cows are a cliche on the Internet. This is a pity, as we have some rather spiffing images of cows we were hoping to (a) show you (b) use as the basis of some opinion piece concerning cows. Here is the first of them:

What you are actually seeing is a foam rubber "mad cow" from a craft shop somewhere in England, kindly given to Gusworld by well-known globe-roaming sub-editor Lindsay Hayman (pictured below, in black and white to avoid any suggestion that she might be confused with crushed cattle). We squashed the cow down on our flatbed scanner and let it rip. These low-res vinyl nightmares are the result.

However, the combination of Netly's gentle scorn and our complete absence of any realistic point of view concerning cows has convinced us to write about something completely different. But you'll get the cow illustrations anyway, because they're just too good to miss.

Moving, then, from the bovine to the banal, we'll talk about answering machine messages. The most recent message on Gusworld's answering machine ran a little something like this:

Sources familiar with Angus's plans suggested he would be unavailable to take answer the telephone. A spokesperson for Angus confirmed that all messages would be recorded on an answering machine, but declined to elaborate. Officials from the Prime Minister's office were unavailable for comment, which is not surprising really as he's a complete bastard.

Now, Gusworld anticipated the possibility of complaints about this message, for a number of reasons:

Surprisingly enough, only the last of these items was a major cause for complaint. It's pleasing that free-wheeling abuse of politicians is allowable; it's not so pleasing that the word 'bastard' is apparently unacceptable. The parties in question presumably never heard the previous message on the Gusworld machine, which included a Swedish version of ABBA's #1 classic 'Ring Ring'. Another time, another train . . .


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