Rant Of The Day THIS RANT 21/05/96

Rant Of The Day is where I get to mouth off about whatever I feel like for however long I like. Theoretically, I'll update my whinge/opinion piece every weekday; in practice, maybe not so often.

George Michael: wake him up before he's ga-ga

Today's guest ranter is Spanky The Naughty Little Monkey.

What is George Michael's problem? What is behind his constant need to justify his existence by distancing himself from his past? Even Madonna, with her constant reinvention of herself, never stooped to crapping on her past. The sex queen never dismissed the Material Girl; she never released a song called 'I Ain't A Boy Toy'.

Yet every one of George Michael's moves seem like a desperate bid to pretend he never was the lead singer of Wham! and he never wore a fluorescent 'Choose Life' T-shirt. At the same time, he reminds us of the past by trying to illustrate how grown-up and mature he is. The beginning of 'Faith' is a slow version of 'Freedom' and then he had a song called 'Freedom 90'. It's like: "Look at the maturity of my current 'Freedom' compared to the eighties one."

Even his solo work is not safe. Who could forget that video in which he symbolically burnt the 'Faith' leather jacket, as if to say "forget I ever wore that because now I'm a Mature Artist". All this is rather, shall we say, ironic (if the word isn't copyrighted by Alanis Morrissette), since very few people would remember George Michael just for his Wham! stuff these days. It would be like saying Madonna is remembered just for 'Like A Virgin' or 'Holiday', but Mr Michael just keeps bringing it up and saying "forget it ever happened".

It wouldn't be too bad if his solo work of late had been anything to write home about. Oh sure, 'Too Funky' was a cool song, but I seriously cannot believe that the outcome of a five year court case was that Sony was oppressing him artistically and wouldn't let him make songs like 'Jesus To A Child'. The same record company that releases Michael Bolton? I think not.

And what is his latest album called? 'Older'. Well hello Mr Maturity dressed in your trousers of serious musician-ness and your jacket of grown-up-ness. Aren't we so adult now, not to be seen prancing about in white shorts? Well pal, nothing you've done lately tops 'Wham Rap!', 'I'm Your Man' or 'Everything She Wants'. The sooner you learn to appreciate the past, the sooner you will become groovy in Spanky's opinion. Maybe George should spend a bit less time worrying about which supermodel to have in his video clip and a bit more time remembering what it was like to be young.

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