Rant Of The Day
Rant Of The Day is where I get to mouth off about whatever I feel like for however long I like. Theoretically, I'll update my whinge/opinion piece every weekday; in practice, maybe not so often.

THIS RANT 27/03/2001

Welcome to the Church of Gusworld

The headline above is not a joke. Well, not a good one. Having half an hour to spare last week, I decided that it was about time that I became officially authorised to perform marriages anywhere within the United States. As you do.

I'd stolen the basic concept from, of all people, Robbie Williams, who recently signed up with Web wedding funsters Universal Ministries so he could perform a marriage service for a couple of friends in Vegas. Partly because I was sceptical as to whether this was actually possible in the 48-hour time period claimed by articles reporting on Robbie's latest doings, I decided to try and register as a minister within the Church of Gusworld. Rather to my surprise, one brief form-filling exercise and an email was all it took before I received the following message:

I, Douglas E. Hickman, Ordaining officer of the Universal Ministries, do Ordain, Anoint, Appoint, and Select you for placement into our Registry of Ministry. This means that from this day forward, unless you request to be removed, you are a minister with the Universal Ministries. This being said, we welcome you into our Ministries of Universal Acceptance.

So what's the catch? Universal Ministries aims to make its money by selling prospective celebrants and/or assorted religious loons the various documents you'll need to perform legal weddings, baptisms, or other ceremonies. It's a bit like the console industry (give them the box, sell them the software), but no doubt more profitable.

Of course, since I don't actually live in the United States, and haven't visited there since 1999, I can't imagine I'll actually be able to use the Reverend title much. However, if there's anyone out there really keen to be married within the Church of Gusworld, I'm sure we can come to some arrangement.

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