I'm Mr T, You Gonna Listen To Me!

Mr T has received support from an unexpected corner this week in his ongoing battle with the Secret Service in the "who's bad" debate, with a number of 80s popstars banding together to record a charity record for him.

Sting, Gary Kemp, Midge Ure, Martin Fry and Michael Jackson are just some of the 30 big names who agreed to perform for free on the song entitled 'Mr T ain't a pussy, but the Secret Service are wussy" after Boy George, a close friend of the T-ster, asked for their help. Forgotten has-been and one-time model for Mr T Martika (pictured during her T employment) also worked on the song.

Nik Kershaw was frank about his reason for joining the project. "As a short wimpy popstar, I know how much such barbs can hurt," said the diminutive popstar.

The song is written by 90s pop combo brothers Liam and Noel Gallagher. "it took us 30 minutes to write the song," said Liam. "We basically just made a list of words that ryhme and then wrote lyrics to fit." "Then we bashed each other's faces in and made rude remarks about Damon Albarn," added Noel.

Michael Jackson, well known for his charity donations, had nothing but praise for the A-Team star. "Mr T likes helping little children and I love children, " said Jackson.

Twin brothers Matt and Luke Goss also preformed on the record "Me and my brother, we love each other and we love the fans and we love Mr T, because it's not cool to drink or take drugs," said one of the twins, we're not sure which.

Robbie from Take That joined asked to join the group, but was told to sod off. "We do have our pride, you know," said Howard Jones. "My name is Martin Fry. F. R. Y." said Martin Fry, ABC's former frontman, but we're not sure why.

The video for the single is directed by legendary film director, Oliver Stone. "If the Secret Service had done a better job, Kennedy wouldn't have been assasinated and this would have affected the course of the Vietnam War and Nixon would never have been elected president and . . . hang on, I would have nothing to make films about. Shit, I've changed my mind," said Stone, looking a wee bit confused.

Rumours of a rival charity record with Milli Vanilli, Rick Astley and Craig from Bros entitled "Two SS are better than a T" are unconfirmed.

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