|Bill Gates pens a semi-monthly column which is distributed to more than 120 newspapers internationally through the New York Times Syndicate. The column alternates essay and question and answer formats. Topics and questions come directly from readers. But to be honest, the answers (and the essays) leave a little bit to be desired, so we thought we'd take the whole thing to a new level in the realms of fiction.|
|Essay Column||Q&A Column 'Ask Bill'|
A whirlwind tour of the computer world-in Las Vegas (December 3rd, 1996)
Not that I was there, I got pissed at the bar.
Privacy policies can protect your life from becoming an open book (November 5th, 1996)
Retreating from the office-but not from hard work (October 9, 1996)
Long-term leadership demands candor and consistency (September 11, 1996)
Customer-driven companies: First systems, then instincts (August 13, 1996)
Better government? Sure, in the Information Age (July 16, 1996)
Like software, biotechnology will change the world (June 18, 1996)
Closing the "Information Gap" (May 22, 1996)
Intranets help solve the puzzle of sharing information (April 24, 1996)
Searching for middle ground in online censorship (March 27, 1996)
Reorganization: A necessary art in a fast-changing world (February 2, 1996)
The Wallet PC (January 31, 1996)
Content is King (January 3, 1996)
The Internet "Gold Rush": Where's the Gold? (December 6, 1995)
The Challenges of China (November 8, 1995)
PC Empowerment (October 15, 1995)
Protecting Privacy (September 15, 1995)
The Internet (August 15, 1995)
Long Term Thinking (July 18, 1995)
Telecommunications Deregulation (June 20, 1995)
Three-dimensional Graphics (May 23, 1995)
Mistakes (April 25, 1995)
What the Computer has Done for Small Businesses (March 28, 1995)
I Wish I Were a Kid Again (February 28, 1995)
World of Opportunity for Software (January 31, 1995)
How to Make a Small Fortune in Software (December 1994)
The importance of checking essays before putting them to print (November 1994)
Ask Bill Q&A: Leather, PVC and my mother (12/12/96)
Q. What are the chances of me persuading you to don PVC pants and a leather vest to address Comdex next year? Love, Monkey
A. Monkey, you have to understand that I just wear whatever outfit is laid outfit me every day. This task used to be done by my mother, Mary, but now is done by my wife, whose name is . . . ah . . . Melissa. Sorry, Melinda. So if that outfit, which does sound pretty cool, is laid out for me, then I will put it on without another thought! I already wear leather underpants so it won't be that different really.
Q. Do you expect to see TVs and PCs connected to the Internet via satellite dish in the near future?
A. Haven't you read the tabloid articles about my fabbo new house, dweeb? I already have TVs and PCs connected via the Internet, and they're collecting intimate footage of your wife right now, and I own the rights. Suck on that, thickhead.
Q. Back when you were learning about computers and programming, were you ever seized by a malicious urge to wreak havoc on other computer users by writing a virus?
A. I think that would be cruel and unnecessary. In fact I have even written my own anti-virus software for my special friends. Becuase you sound really nice I'll let you use it too. Go to http://www.microsoft.com/billspage.htm and download a file called badvirus.exe.
Q. What are your policies regarding credit-screen "Easter eggs" in your software programs? Are they forbidden? Tolerated? Or perhaps even encouraged?
A. I hate them. I got chocolate all through my floppy drive, man I was so pissed off.
Q. Why does MS-DOS use the backslash ("\") as the separator in pathnames?
A. Because we could, OK? We write the software, we make the decisions. If I chose to change the backslash to the phrase 'BILL GATES IS KING' tomorrow, you'd all just have to comply. No-one forced you to buy the goddamn software, anyways.
Ask Bill Q&A: As a kid, did you dream of wealth? (10/22/96)
Ask Bill Q&A: E-mail helps me get out of the office and use my time well (9/24/96)
Ask Bill Q&A: Crowd Control: It's A Growing Challenge on the Internet (8/28/96)
Ask Bill Q&A: What does the future hold for small businesses? (7/30/96)
Ask Bill Q&A: How big a headache at the end of the century? (7/3/96)
Ask Bill: Don't pay too much attention to revenue-per-employee (5/7/96)
Ask Bill: Secrets of Success (2/12/96)
|Email Bill with your Question for the Real Column email@example.com Be warned, his answer may not be as amusing, but he sure knows how to roll in those bucks, and there's a slight risk he might take you seriously.|
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