Stupidest Reader Letter

If there is one thing that unites Australia's trash weeklies, it is that each week they get insane letters from their readership, discussing the problems of pensioners, how to solve unemployment and good cures for footrot much more often that you might expect. Each week, we'll highlight the single dumbest letter from across our four target publications.

October 11: New Idea maintains its stranglehold on really dumb readers. Vera of Victoria writes: "What a delightful man, John Travolta is. He definitely has his priorities right. On his list, happiness comes above looks and weight. I am so impressed he leaves the matter of more children in his wife's hands, stating, 'It's her body". His wife Kelly is one lucky woman." Perhaps more so than Vera's husband.

October 6: Yet again, it's New Idea, this time quoting ER of NSW: "I never cease to be amazed at the way houses of just ordinary families have grown. Children seem to have their own bedrooms as well as rumpus-room, family-room and, of course, there has to be a study. It makes me wonder how survived years ago and how my grandparents raised very large families in homes that consisted of just four very small rooms." The answer, of course, is badly, in overcrowded, unhealthy, impersonal environments.

September 22: Diana dominates, but New Idea wins the prize by publishing a selection of reader poetry on her death. Think four-line couplets that don't scan but do induce vomit. They're so bad, we can't even bring ourselves to print 'em.

September 15: It's hard to pick a standout when Who has no letters at all, and all the ones in Woman's Day and New Idea are about Diana. But this one to the New Weekly is still pretty dumb: "Your picture of Alanis Morissette in Hotlines competing in a triathlon made me look twice. Isn't it ironic that a star like her can't afford a simple bikini wax? Perhaps Alanis oughta know that a decent razor only costs about $5!"

August 30: A certain Mrs Jones was bursting to write to New Idea: "My five-year-old daughter loves to collect buttons. They bring her endless pleasure and have so many uses -- threading, counting, making patterns and grouping into colors and sizes. Such a lot of enjoyment from such a simple thing!" Yes, but does anyone care?

August 9: Scorpio of Queensland expresses her concern to New Idea thus: "I know many young mothers have to work and have their children minded, but I think it is terrible for Nicky Buckley to be back at work on Sale Of The Century so soon after the birth of her baby. She is going to miss out on all the joys of her baby's daily life." Considering she only actually works one day a week, we think she'll cope, somehow.

July 14: There's a special prize for anyone who can explain this insane missive from New Idea, written by one E Rogers: "I remember the times, 60 years ago, when the Chinese used to grow vegetables along Melbourne's Yarra River. They had wagons and sold their goods to houses in Kew. One week my mother ordered a chicken for the following week. When the man delivered the chicken he also gave her some eggs. My mother said she hadn't ordered eggs. He replied, "No Madam, but they are the eggs your chicken laid this week, so they are yours." We can all learn a lesson from this."

June 23: Readers of trash magazines lead small and pathetic lives (and we should know) As I Scott of NSW tells the New Weekly: "Thanks for the handy Drew Carey Show notepad you gave away with the June 23 issue of NW. It's only a small gift, but I really appreciated it. I smile every time I see it next to the phone." We hope someone is there to pick up the pieces when the pad runs out.

June 23: CJ of Victoria couldn't wait to share these thoughts with New Idea: "Like many people at this time of year, I came down with a nasty flu and was stuck in bed for a week. After the second day, I was feeling miserable and bored, so I got a pen and spent the whole day completing the puzzles in the New Idea. It was great fun and really cheered me up." Yes, but what did you do on the third day?