Share A Secret Reviewed

Share A Secret Reviewed is a regular weekly column in Woman's Day, where anonymous readers send in their shameful secrets and get paid $100 for their trouble. Gusworld knows that the stories are extensively edited, and suspects that some of them are made up. Share A Secret was much better when it was accompanied by a ludicrous photograph; you can check out archival commentary on the good old days here. Here, we simply summarise the secret each week, without giving everything away.

October 20: If this stuff was any lamer, it would receive a pension. 'Seven-year ITCH' describes a woman who nearly, but didn't, have an affair with someone. The sausage-slipping ratio in this column is getting alarmingly low.

October 13: 'I crashed her CAR' is the headline. Her son got the blame for it is the punchline. But the problem is, the same thing later happened to her. What do Woman's Day think this is, some kind of morality tale? We're not impressed. And we want the photo back.

September 29: 'I did it for LOVE' sounds unpromising, and by golly it is. It's a standard issue tale of a woman who couldn't get pregnant to her husband, so she shagged a total stranger in a nightclub. Trouble is, she doesn't even feel guilty.

September 22: Oh dear! 'ESCORT escapade' is about a woman who pretended she was a professional dinner companion, and now has regular employment as a professional dinner companion. And there isn't even any todger action involved. What a lame duck of s story.

September 1: Another enforced break and still the quality is poor, albeit not as downright abysmal as previous efforts. 'My illness TRICK' describes how a woman feigned poisoning in the restaurant of her best friend's husband's suspected mistress, only to have it all go horribly, horribly wrong. That'll learn 'er.

August 11: Sad to say, our enforced break from tracking Share A Secret hasn't seen the quality improve. This week's effort, 'An EXPERT trick', is about how a little old lady pretended to need money for an operation and conned it out of a happy couple, only for them to discover that she was using the money to feed her gambling addiction. We at Gusworld think this story has too many old people and not enough sex angles. Smarten up your act, secret writers!

July 14: As every week passes, the secrets just get lamer and lamer. 'MY TYRE TRICK' reveals how a woman accidentally assumes that her boyfriend is seeing someone else, and decides to deflate the tyres on his brand-new car. Why didn't she really get it out of her system and crap on the boot?

July 7: 'MY JOCKS SHOCK' . . . oh, how the mighty have fallen! In this tawdry little tale, we learn of how a young woman who was houseminding was momentarily embarrassed when the husband of the house came home unexpectedly and entered the bedroom in a pair of "novelty jocks". We don't know whether this meant they featured pictures of Quik Draw McGraw, or were in the shape of an elephant's trunk. But we do know that in the bad old days, this story would have been rewritten and she would have ended up boning him like a wild beast.

June 30: 'I SWAPPED MEN' is a standard-issue secret with a deceptive headline. It describes how a wife-swapping party got a little too much for reader Deidre after it became a regular occurrence, and how her husband moving in with the other couple led to the end of their marriage. Can't have been much of a secret, really.