Weird Advice From Fiona

Fiona McCallum, billed by Woman's Day as Australia's favourite and most accurate clairvoyant, is certainly one of the busiest, popping off business-like advice to a couple of dozen confused readers each week. Sometimes the advice is stunningly specific, and occasionally it's downright nasty. Each week, we'll highlight our favourite answer.

October 20: If Fiona is to be believed, people hide their jewellery in some really dumb places. When Margaret writes in to ask where she's hidden hers, Fiona replies: "It's in a small plastic bag in a packet of washing powder under the sink."

October 13: Once again, Fi gets scarily specific and specifically scary. Lost of Victoria writes in seeking to find her father's war medals. Not only does Fiona locate them (in a small wooden box, natch) but she hints that the medals have powers of vocalisation: "Put on your thinking cap and walk around. They will call out to you."

September 29: We get a rare insight into Fiona's working methods when 'Curious' asks whether Fiona hears voices or merely knows the answers. The blunt one replies: "All of these things come into play at various times. But mostly the answers just flash into my mind." So now you know.

September 22: Fiona is now moonlighting as a literary agent. Undecided of Labe Cover writes in to ask if its worth penning her memoirs. Our Lady of the Seizures replies:"From your own point of view, your life has been interesting, but to others it might seem less colourful."

September 1: Don't write to Fiona if you want calm, impartial advice. Leo of Perth writes to ask if he will be able to work with younger doctors, since the speed at which people operates affects his income. Fiona snaps back: "I must say I don't particularly like your attitude to your work" and points out that "none of us stays young forever and one day you will be holding up some other young fellow". Touchy subject, obviously.

August 11: Occasionally, Fiona can be downright abrupt. Satisfied of Western Australia writes in to ask if she'll lose her husband if she doesn't get a facelift. Fiona's entire reply reads: "Yes, you will lose him." Sounds like good riddance to us.

July 14: Sorry Sister of Seaforth wonders why her sister is no longer being friendly. A fracas over the flan, perhaps? No, something much more serious, Fiona reveals: "She thought she saw a flicker of interest in her husband's eyes when you joined them at their wedding anniversary, and nothing you can do or say will change her opinion. It's out of your hands, I'm afraid." Might as well bone him in that case.

July 7: Kim, a young Korean, can't decide which girl he's going to marry. Fiona demonstrates a sound grasp of the Woman's Day pro-Hanson idiot readership when she replies: "It is part of Australian culture that you romance a lady before you ask to marry her. You will marry one day, but it will be back in Korea."

June 30: Pensioner of Penshurst writes to ask if she will be able to successfully crack onto her bus driver. Proving that she pays some regard to The Rules, Fiona writes: "Don't ask him out. If you really want a man in your life, let him do the chasing. You are too pushy and you scare them off." At least now P of P knows, we suppose.