For the week beginning October 13, 1997

This Week's General Observations On Trashy Publications

Share A Secret Reviewed, Woman's Day:

October 20: If this stuff was any lamer, it would receive a pension. 'Seven-year ITCH' describes a woman who nearly, but didn't, have an affair with someone. The sausage-slipping ratio in this column is getting alarmingly low.

Weird Advice From Fiona, Woman's Day:

October 20: If Fiona is to be believed, people hide their jewellery in some really dumb places. When Margaret writes in to ask where she's hidden hers, Fiona replies: "It's in a small plastic bag in a packet of washing powder under the sink."

Bitchiest Hot Shots Quote, New Weekly:

October 20: In a generally weak batch, the prize must go to this: "Wonderbra model Caprice Bourret shows off a tan as deep as your average barbecued sausage, a belly button ring that cost $1 million (and no doubt worth every penny) and a very silly outfit."

Pointless References To Rose Hancock's Life In Her Advice Column, New Idea:

October 18: Hang the advice column, Rose has her own feature this week, spruiking her new recipe book Rose's Way . . . To A Man's Heart with a few sample meals. The food is pretty hideous (think chicken and cellophane noodle soup), but not as bad as the picture of Rose sitting on Langley's lap, or the sickening captions: "Langley had mundane food tastes. He preferred everything fried, grilled or boiled."

Compulsory Murder Story, Who/New Weekly:

October 20: New Weekly again, following through the "I didn't do it" theme with a tale of how a woman was falsely convicted of killing her brother.

Stupidest Reader Letter:

October 11: New Idea maintains its stranglehold on really dumb readers. Vera of Victoria writes: "What a delightful man, John Travolta is. He definitely has his priorities right. On his list, happiness comes above looks and weight. I am so impressed he leaves the matter of more children in his wife's hands, stating, 'It's her body". His wife Kelly is one lucky woman." Perhaps more so than Vera's husband.

Minogue Watch:

October 13: The Kylie/Dannii race for fame remains tight. New Weekly describes Kylie as 'Loser Of The Week' because of her recent poor showing in the UK charts, while Dannii can only squeeze into Who by talking about her time on Young Talent Time. Woman's Day fits both women into a single article under the heading 'Dannii's my RIVAL', although what Kylie says is actually the exact opposite.