Mighty Morphin' Dannii Minogue

By day, she is Dannii Minogue, well known TV presenter, actress, successful singer and all-round Minogue. When danger threatens, though, she is transformed into Mighty Morphin' Dannii Minogue, a mega super-heroine with a strange fondness for tight vinyl costumes and mood lighting. And now you can read about her adventures exclusively on Gusworld.

Toilet Trauma

As the final notes of 'Love And Kisses' echoed through the almost-deserted public restroom, Dannii finished her business flushed the toilet and sighed contentedly. It had been quite a surprise when she had received a request from the Chelsea City Council to include the track on a compilation tape they were playing in the toilets to make them friendlier and more fun. There wasn't a lot of money to be made from having your greatest hits pumped out while people were pumping out something quite different, but Dannii would do anything for her fans.

Dannii strode over to the and began removing up her makeup with practised skill. It was as she was redoing her lips with her favourite electric red that she became aware of a strange noise. Was that the sound of a syringe being thrust violently into someone's arm? It sounded as if someone was shooting up in the next cubicle!

"Danger threatens," she said to herself. "I must transform myself into Mighty Morphin' Dannii Minogue." Using her secret mystical powers and reciting the magic words 'This Is It' under her breath, she span around in circles and transformed herself into the vinyl-clad super-heroine.

In one swift movement, she leapt into the air, kicked out violently with her left foot and barged into the cubicle. A young drug addict with a punk haircut was lying half-comatose and bleeding on the floor, the syringe still in her hand. Dannii recognised her as 'Heroin Helen', a well-known local addict who'd run away from home two days before. Her parents were frantic with worry.

Dannii's in-depth knowledge of heroin, enhanced when she researched the Hamburg drug scene before appearing in the Beatles fan flick Secrets, told her that Helen was in serious need of medical attention. However, she couldn't afford to expose her identity to hospital staff. What could she do?

Eventually, she came up with a plan. She removed all the remaining horse from Helen's jacket, dragged the young girl into the pelting rain outside, and then caused a rucus by kicking over a few gargbage cans, hoping to attract the attention of passers-by. Pausing only to check that her stilletos hadn't accidentally picked up any chewing gum, Dannii disappeared into the night.

The policeman blinked in amazement. Five minutes until the end of his shift and now here was some drugged-out loser lying in a heap in the street. Did he really need the hassle? "Fucking druggie slag," he said to himself and walked off. Helen died of acute hypothermia six hours later.

Back in her apartment, Dannii sighed contentedly. "Another Success!" she said to herself, as she flushed the rest of Helen's stash down her own, somewhat classier toilet.

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