As the half-nude crowd continued gyrating to techno beats outside, Dannii sat down on her fur-lined dressing room stool and began removing her makeup with practised skill. It was as she was applying industrial paint stripper to her foundation that she was alerted by a sound. Was that a scream coming from Kylie's dressing room next door?
"Danger threatens," she said to herself. "I must transform myself into Mighty Morphin' Dannii Minogue." Using her secret mystical powers and reciting the magic words 'This Is It' under her breath, she span around in circles and transformed herself into the vinyl-clad super-heroine.
In one swift movement, she had raced into the room next door. A young hoodlum with a punk haircut and dressed entirely in leather had Kylie spreadeagled over her dressing table and was making threatening gestures with what looked like a fur-lined carrot. Dannii recognised her as 'Deadly Dyke Diana', a well-known psycho-lesbian who got off on violating famous pop singers. She was wanted by everyone from Alanis Morissette to Collette. Dannii instantly sprang into action.
Kerthunk! A swift punch to the jaw, which she'd also had to use on more than one Woman's Day editor , sent Diana flying through the air. Not even pausing for breath, Dannii grabbed the dressing room mirror and bought it down repeatedly on Diana's head until she was a pulverised mass of brain and shattered bone. Then, pausing only to pick the glass from her costume, Dannii raced back into her own dressing room.
Kylie, who had been shielding her eyes during this attack, now freaked completely. "Oh my god, there's a dead lesbian bleeding all over my dressing room!" she screamed to a passing security guard. "Oh, you lucky bitch!" the guard said in reply. Little did they know that Mighty Morphin' Dannii Minogue had saved the streets from crime once more.
Back at her own unsmashed mirror, Dannii sighed contentedly. "Another Success!" she said to herself, as she continued removing her makeup.
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