Media Release

Gates confirms: "I'm horny"

CEO adds: "So horny, I'm horny horny horny."

Sydney, 17th May, 1999 -- Bill Gates, chairman and CEO of Microsoft, responded yesterday to rumours that he was horny.

"I'm horny, horny horny horny," said Gates, speaking at the annual N+I conference. "So horny, I'm horny, horny horny horny. I'm horny, horny horny horny. So horny, I'm horny horny horny tonight."

Steve Ballmer, Microsoft president, said that this was typical of Gates' up-front approach to his needs. "Once, Bill came up to me and said 'I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want.' And I said 'So tell me what you want, what you really really want.' And he said 'I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, really really really wanna zig-a-zig-ah.' So we added the zig-a-zig-ah feature to SQL Server, and customers really love it."

Ballmer would not confirm or deny rumours Gates sings backup vocals on Ricky Martin's 'Living La Vida Loca'.

Gates confirmed, however, that he planned to deal with his horniness by consulting with N+I attendees. "Boom boom boom, let's go back to my room, so we can do it all night, and you can make me feel right, oh oh oh," he said to Larry Ellison's mother.

A Microsoft spokesperson emphasised that it was patently obvious that the two executives were "clearly pissed off their nuts" and asked delegates to disregard their comments.

"He drinks a whisky drink, he drinks a vodka drink, he drinks a lager drink, he drinks a cider drink, he sings the songs that remind him of the good times, he sings the songs that remind him of the better times," the spokesperson added. "I get knocked down, but I get up again, you ain't ever gonna keep me down."


Microsoft, Windows, the word 'fuck', modern dance, Jennifer Aniston, NBC, Java, the planet Earth, Velma, Trans Am, Belgium, the name "Reg Dwight", Justice, DVD, horniness and Windows NT are either registered trademarks or trademarks of Microsoft Corp. in the United States and/or other countries. Other product and company names herein may be trademarks of their respective owners.

Note to editors: If you are interested in viewing additional information on Microsoft, please visit the Microsoft Web page at on Microsoft's corporate information pages.

For further information contact:

The bartender at Mrs Miggin's Ale House.

MAILClick here to contact Gus

OOPS! Go back up a level

GUSWORLDReturn to Gusworld Central