Sydney, 6th February, 1998 -- Bill Gates, chairman and CEO of Microsoft, yesterday announced through a Microsoft spokesperson that he was "greatly amused" by a zany incident yesterday where he was hit in the face with a cream pastry product..
"The whole incident was pretty damn hilarious, and I don't even mind the fact that it ruined my best suit, the one that I had specially tailored so it fit just right," a freshly-cleaned Gates said. "And it's not like they really threw the pies very hard or anything, either".
Gates was visiting Belgium for a very serious education conference attended by 450 business and government leaders and sponsored by the Flemish government. Although the dignity of the event was completely shattered by the zany slapstick antics, Gates said he didn't mind at all.
Gates denied that he ever uttered the statement "Fucking Belgium, what the hell is it good for besides chocolate?" while changing out of his soiled garments. "In fact, I'm thinking of setting a sequence in my upcoming film Cannonbill Run in Belgium, just to show how much I appreciate these guys," he said with a fixed smile.
"And I don't think the popular pop insult 'We're really big in Belgium' is an insult at all," Gates continued without any trace of sarcasm. "Lithuania, maybe, but not Belgium."
Gates also said he was grateful for the blanket media coverage afforded the event. "I didn't feel at all humiliated at having that photo of me covered with cream and stuff and dribbling published all over the world. It's not like I'm that well-known anyway, so it was a good opportunity for people to realise that I'm a serious businessman who also knows how to have some good old-fashioned japes."
Bill Gates has also denied reports that he made obscene finger gestures at Belgian royalty later when they weren't looking, and that he is planning a full-scale invasion of Belgium with "the biggest motherfucking missile you've ever seen".
Images of the pie fracas are downloadable from http://www.payperview.msn.com/notfreestuff.htm.
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