GUSWORLD
BILL BORED

Media Release

Microsoft: We're done

Nothing left to achieve, really.

Sydney, 18th April, 1997 -- Microsoft Corporation today announced that the company would disband as a result of the board members' decision that they'd "been there, done that."

"I'm the richest man in the world, as well as being the most famous guy to ever go near a computer. Coupled with the fact that our operating system is more or less ubiquitous and we have about 90% of the business applications market sewn up, I really don't see why we should keep slogging our guts out for the next ten years just to gain a tiny bit more ground," said Bill Gates, CEO and President.

"Stick a fork in us, we're done," he said. "It's time to kick back and enjoy life."

The company will cease operations on Friday the 25th of April and is currently in the process of outsourcing support for its product range.

"I think we've achieved what I set out to achieve when Paul Allen and I started Microsoft, it's probably time to give someone else a go. Maybe McNealy's JavaStation could go next," added Gates

"Another million isn't going to make me any happier," said Steve Ballmer, executive vice president of sales and support. "What will make me happier is to make myself a better rounded person. I'm thinking of taking up modern dance and maybe doing an English Lit course."

Next Thursday, Microsoft will have a huge closing down sale, with all stock reduced by up to 60%.

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